The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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