Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
