I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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