im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Your penis caused this!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
