If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Green mimosas i think yes
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
as a side note pls kill me
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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