Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
