I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
