If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
