My hand turned me down
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize