I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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