So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
