I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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