Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
