so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
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Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
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Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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