what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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