Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
are you so shy because you have an std?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
