yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
why do cheetos always look like penises
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
