Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
