Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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