even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
