I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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