Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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