I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
