wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
