Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
