How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
