I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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