I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
