my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
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You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
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I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize