Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
