I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
