I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
