so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
