I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
