wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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