I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
