I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
