Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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