I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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