tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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