We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
