Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
