So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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