So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
