My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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