I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Be still, my beating vagina.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
