oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
