I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
