you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i love accidental penises.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
