And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
