Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
