His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
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So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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