Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
