It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
