I wish I could teleport
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
