hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it glows. i had to have it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
