i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
you never un-have a 4some
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
