My nipple is on Facebook.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
