I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
