oh god the rape fog is back!
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
