Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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