Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
