maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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