God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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