you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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