Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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