I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
