We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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