who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
