just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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