We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
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He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
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Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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