Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
