I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
All the doctor said was why
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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